Josephine is a 30-something highly sensitive person. Kind, creative and smart, she had an unconscious habit of choosing men who ended up hurting her. This is her story, in her own words, of how we worked together in spiritual counseling so she could step out of that hurtful pattern, and step into the life that she was meant to live as her radiant Authentic Self.
I was crying the most desperate tears I’ve ever cried as I drove to a job I absolutely hated. I was confused, hurting, and lost. Not only was I on my way in to a job I hated, I was contemplating going back, again, to an abusive relationship with Weston, a guy I’d been with off and on for almost five years. I knew that going back to him could mean that my mother, who was my biggest supporter and provider of the most unconditional love I’d known, would no longer speak to me. Even worse, I knew that going back to him was potentially risking my life.
This was the lowest I’d ever been. My life was a dichotomy. I appeared to others as a successful, strong and fun loving young woman who knew what she wanted and didn’t take any “mess.” I enjoyed entertaining, going out with friends, cooking and looking for adventures. But from my perspective, I was someone who was weak in many areas of life. Career wise, I just floated along and had been “lucky,” without putting forth intention or effort. I’d been in many unhealthy relationships. I was a magnet for cheaters and men who were unavailable. I held onto them with all my might, trying to prove my worth to them (and myself). I used sex as a tool with men and as a comfort for myself. That comfort never lasted long and each time I was emptier and felt more alone than before I engaged with them physically.
I knew there had to be deeper issues that needed to be resolved inside of me. This couldn’t be the life that God had intended for me. I knew I had to find a therapist that would help me, not just prescribe medication and tell me I was fine. I found Benita Esposito online.
I cried after we scheduled our initial meeting. I was in anguish. Desperate. But still had a glimmer of hope that things could change and Benita could help me.
During our first individual session, I knew I was exactly where I needed to be, but I also knew that it wasn’t going to be an easy road to travel. I was dedicated though. I went to weekly sessions and worked with Benita to dig deep. I tried to do everything that she suggested I do. I used guided meditations, read books, did assignments and made myself and my healing my priority.
Benita is highly empathic and understanding. Every time we met, she tuned into where I was and what I was dealing with very quickly. Her patient but strong manner made me very comfortable, and I knew she wanted the best for me.
As I followed Benita’s advice and coaching, I grew stronger and started to value myself more and more. I cut back on alcohol. I tried to be more aware of my self-talk so I would stop verbally abusing myself. I made an effort to be compassionate with myself and stop abandoning myself. I was not yet where I wanted to be, but I was well on my way and every investment of my resources (time, emotional energy, and money) paled in comparison to the value of Benita’s work in my life.
Several months into our counseling relationship, Benita offered a “Deep Emotional Healing Retreat.”
I knew I had to be there. I did not know what to expect and, honestly, I doubted myself. But, I went forward with my commitment to myself and the retreat.
Benita made me feel very comfortable immediately. She was very warm and welcoming. During the morning, she shared helpful tools and coaching in the group setting.
The afternoon’s Breathwork was more intense than I realized it would be. It was physically challenging and emotionally painful. But it was also the most freeing and emotionally fulfilling experience I have ever had.
I knew I was safe because Benita was there. I allowed myself to go all the way through the physical pain and the full range of emotions I was experiencing. The physical pain in my hips and chest was almost enough to make me quit. Just when I was about to stop being present with myself, Benita pushed my legs back toward my chest, and I let out a raw guttural scream. The pain released.
As I was in the pain, spontaneous memories arose of my abortion and the sexual assaults that I’d experienced in the past. Some of them were things I’d never spoken about with anyone. In my mind, I spoke to the men who had abused me. Through my imagination, I was able to complete conversations that I was never able to have in real life. I was able to let go then. I saw old boyfriends and men I’d used and allowed to use me. I let them go as well.
Before Breathwork, I didn’t realize I had been storing the emotional pain of all these experiences in my body and holding onto the men in my heart. Benita guided me to become aware of how to access the wisdom in my body in an experiential way. Along with the guidance I received from the Holy Spirit and Jesus, Breathwork turned out to be an amazing experience.
I also received a much-needed message from my father during the Breathwork session when we met on a spiritual level. He cried as he told me that he’d done the best he knew how to do. He said that he loved me dearly and that he was very proud of me. These were the things I’d longed to hear from my father for so long. I was blown away.
I took a huge leap in healing that day. But, I wasn’t sure how the Breathwork transformation would look in my everyday life. Would it really stick?
As part of my meditation a couple of days later, I did a self-reparenting assignment Benita gave me in a previous session. It went a lot differently than it would have before Breathwork.
I had been thinking about my relationship with Daddy a lot. I didn’t feel empty when I thought about my relationship with my dad, like I had so many times before. Now, It was such a loving feeling. I thought about him driving me and my sister around in the back of his truck because we loved being back there. I thought about how he used to send me balloons and candy every year for Valentine’s Day and other random holidays. I recall him taking me and my sister for a horse ride around the neighborhood. He used to make homemade biscuits for breakfast and give me the “halo.” He would always tell me that I was his angel as he gave it to me.
My experience at the Deep Emotional Healing Retreat was remarkable and I took advantage of as many of them as I possibly could. In the following private sessions, I was able to address the guilt and shame I held, as well as my lack of self worth. Every experience I had was a huge step towards the life I desired. I stopped seeing Weston, renewed relationships with family and friends, and became much closer to both my parents. I started to truly enjoy life again.
If you’d like to see if we are a good fit for private sessions or an intensive personal growth retreat, please contact me: Benita A Esposito, MA. I offer a complementary 10-minute get-acquainted phone session.
Click here for the Intensive Personal Growth Retreat schedule for the Highly Sensitive Person.
* The client’s name was changed to protect confidentiality. The photo in this blog is a stock photo.