Mindfulness. How to Feel Whole in the Midst of Chaos

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Personal and Spiritual Mastery

Many of us feel upset with the increase of violence on our planet. If you are a  highly sensitive person, you may feel the chaos energetically, even though you’re hundreds of miles away from a war, or a mass shooting or a natural disaster. If you have experienced abuse or trauma, or if you are empathic, your body may feel agitated, setting off a whole string of emotions that you don’t understand. That’s typical for a highly sensitive person, that is until you develop a mindfulness practice to experience personal and spiritual mastery.

What can we do in the midst of chaos? We can’t always stop the conflict around us. But instead of feeling helpless, we can do something. We can stop the wars inside ourselves and return to the experience of wholeness every day by using mindfulness.

How do we practice mindfulness?  First of all, let’s define it.

Definition of mindfulness: a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

When we get triggered, often we feel angry and frustrated. Sometimes we blame the person who triggered us. We tell ourselves, “If he hadn’t spoken in a stern voice, or if he didn’t look at me with a certain facial expression, I wouldn’t have felt angry. It’s all his fault.”

Instead of blaming, take a step back and observe your own feelings, thoughts, sensations and reactions. Take responsibility for your perceptions and your reactions. They belong to you. Be curious about what you can learn about yourself. This is the essence of mindfulness.

When you raise your self-awareness, you will be able to see things from a different perspective. You’ll be wiser. You’ll be able to report what part of you was triggered while taking responsibility for yourself. Instead of adding fuel to the fire or shrinking away in isolation, you’ll be able to stay grounded and centered.

Some spiritual leaders say that it takes only 10% of the whole population to shift the consciousness on the planet. When we develop the ability to stay more centered, we affect the world because we are part of the world, like one facet of the diamond is part of the whole diamond.

Many of us have spent years doing inner healing. All the work we have done with our families and friends cannot be in vain. It counts, even if we cannot see the immediate impact of our efforts. We can contribute to the wisdom on this planet.

Right now you may be experiencing a resurgence of old issues and old wounds that you thought you had healed. This does not mean that you are backsliding. It means that you have the opportunity to upgrade your mastery level so you can more closely align with your Authentic Self as a highly sensitive person. Wherever the distortions still remain, they are being exposed.

When you experience a conflict, ask to be shown the highest level of wisdom. Then summon the courage to act congruently with your insights.

Make a study of the wise use of power. The abuse of power results in violence. There’s a direct relationship between unresolved grief and the abuse of power. When we lose something important to us (including our sense of power or worthiness), or when we lose someone precious to us, vulnerable emotions arise. If we don’t know how to be with our vulnerable emotions, we blame or attack others. Or we shut down in depression, or we get stoic and can’t connect with our loved ones. Or we harm ourselves. Or we use our favorite addiction.

When we use emotional mastery skills, we can stay present with our own vulnerability while being grounded in our body. We connect with our Authentic Self and the Holy Spirit. We still have a sense of wholeness while we experience the loss. We’re able to make decisions based on the wise use of power.

Personal and spiritual mastery look like this: We are willing to sit with our grief and take responsibility for our disappointment, helplessness or loss. We own it. We observe ourselves non-judgmentally and say, “This is my grief. This is my sorrow. This is my loss.” We are willing to feel it and stop abandoning ourselves. We stop blaming others. We breathe and feel. This practice is called mindfulness.

When we choose personal and spiritual mastery, it’s like playing a violin. Our instrument needs tuning every time we play. We don’t tune it once and it stays tuned. We practice our scales even though we’ve been playing for years because it helps us stay proficient. We play music that brings us joy, but we also select new pieces that challenge us because we enjoy upgrading our skills. We love the experience of making the violin sing even sweeter. When all the orchestra members increase their skills, the music sparkles.

Conclusion

I encourage you to refine your skills every day so you can play the beautiful music your Authentic Self longs to sing. You are a vital part of the whole symphony. You count. Turn towards your true source of all love, wisdom and power.

Schedule daily mindfulness practices so you increase your personal and spiritual mastery.

 

Reflections. Now It’s Your Turn.

  1. Who or what triggers fear, anger, or pain in your life?
  2. Choose one struggle. Focus on it to upgrade your personal and spiritual mastery skills.
  3. Ask your Authentic Self and God to counsel you. Write what you hear, word for word.
  4. Develop daily practices to self-soothe and increase self-awareness so you can feel peace in the middle of the storm. Examples: Meditate. Breathe deeply. Journal. Yoga. Exercise. Eat healthy food. Talk with a friend. Attend counseling sessions. Pray. Paint. Play. Spend time in nature. Get 8 hours of sleep.
  5. What action do you choose to take? When? How often? Schedule it on your calendar so you keep the commitment to yourself. You’ll feel so much better when you develop mindfulness practices so you can feel peace in the middle of the storm.

A Resource for You

I created the guided meditation CD “A Journey into Wholeness” to help people stay grounded, manage difficult emotions, and access spiritual guidance. If you would like to hear a sample and purchase a copy, click here. This is one of many tools I have to share with you.

Contact Information

Contact the author Benita A. Esposito, MA if you would like help to develop your personal and spiritual mastery via individual sessions or intensive retreats.  Spiritual counseling is available worldwide via Zoom videoconference.

Copyright 2017. All rights reserved. The Esposito Institute, Inc.

 

Breathwork: My Personal Story

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Are you tired of limiting patterns sabotaging your life? Would your life be significantly better if you did not have to deal with emotional wounds that pop up at the most unexpected times?

If you keep doing the same old thing, you will keep creating the same results. You cannot solve a problem from the level of the problem. If you are ready to do something significantly different to achieve your fondest dreams, read on. Read more

Why talk-therapy isn’t enough

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Have you ever been in a situation where your romantic partner didn’t understand you? Or worse, they criticized you or became contemptuous or dismissed your feelings? You tried to create an emotional connection that would help you both feel better, but they kept throwing daggers? That really hurt, didn’t it? Read more

Turning Fear into a Friend: A Breathwork Story

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“How I transformed fear into my friend, and myself into the Beloved.”

If my story began as a play, the opening scene would be as follows:

[Setting]: Inside of a walk–in closet. The darkness is so dense you can barely see your hand. Read more

The Hero’s Journey to the Authentic Self ~ Overview

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The thought of showing up as our Authentic Selves can be exciting and scary. It requires us to take risks, and sometimes we don’t know the outcome before we take the journey … but some of us feel compelled to embark on the journey anyway … like being drawn to the beacon of a lighthouse.

When we consider taking the risks to show up as our Authentic Selves, we ask:

Will my marriage weather the transition? Will my employer promote me or fire me? Will my family and friends embrace me or ostracize me? Will I like my Authentic Self?

We can’t know how things will turn out before we jump off the proverbial cliff.

In Star Wars, our Heroes begin their journey without guarantees. But they have hope and conviction so they risk the journey. They commit to playing their part to unfold the future. And we pray the Force is with them.

If we don’t show up as our Authentic Selves, our loving relationships are never fulfilling because our true selves are hiding behind masks. People can’t really reach us and we can’t reach them.

We’re busy managing people’s impressions of ourselves … we’re looking good, trying hard to please others … hoping they’ll love us the way we want to be loved. Or we’re withdrawing to protect ourselves, or we’re fighting with our loved ones.

That’s called manipulation, not love.

If we don’t show up as our Authentic Selves, our work is never fulfilling because our true selves are hiding behind masks. Even if we get promoted because we are smart and conscientious, we’ll still be unhappy because we’re not tapped into our sweet spot, shining from our God-given blueprint. Without the passion of being fully alive, we feel drained, depressed or anxious.

For those of us who choose to embark on the Hero’s Journey, there is a part of us who is afraid to fully show up. And there’s a part who feels compelled to excavate and express our Authentic Self.

We don’t have to get rid of the fear to proceed. We take it with us, like a parent holding the hand of a scared child. I supplement the “parent” part of you until you get strong enough to manage fear on your own.

Sensitive Introverts want to be loved and respected for who we truly are. We want genuine emotional connection. We want to express our unique voices. We yearn to share our special gifts with the world. We feel bad when we hold ourselves back.

Here’s the good news!

When we take a stand to show up as our Authentic Selves, then we will find the people who truly support us.

Or our current relationships will evolve along with us.

Some people may fall away. In the beginning of the journey, it’s hard to let go of people we’ve been attached to. But we have to do what a caterpillar has to do: let go so we can transform into a butterfly.

I’ll help you develop the skills to say good-bye to the parts of your old life that no longer serve you so you can say hello to your Authentic Self and the new nurturing relationships that will arrive. The Force is directing your feet.

We need to turn toward people who will support us, instead of clinging to people who don’t choose to connect with us in healthy ways.

“You would do well to spend quality time with those whose generosity of spirit waters your emotional garden. Remember that you deserve to receive this kind of nourishment.” ~author unknown

We need to stop fighting with people, trying to get them to change. We need to stop manipulating ourselves and other people.

We need to develop the courage and skills to communicate honestly and tactfully, sharing from the innermost chambers of our tender hearts. We need to take responsibility for kindly expressing what we most yearn for instead of just complaining or keeping quiet. We must respect others’ choice to say a loving “yes” to our requests, or accept their “no.”  We need to learn to create win-win solutions that enrich emotional intimacy.

I call this self-respect and respect for others.

We must challenge the idea that being true to ourselves is selfish. Many of us grew up with the idea that it is bad to be self-centered … to think about ourselves … as if we couldn’t think about ourselves and be kind to others at the same time.

Some people will understand us and like us; some people won’t. When we define our true North, and summon the courage to be real, we glisten like a diamond, just as God intended.

When we pay more attention to our divine blueprint than to the opinions of others, only then will we experience true fulfillment.

One of the main reasons Sensitive Introverts don’t experience the fulfillment that comes from being true to their Authentic Selves is that they avoid the pain of the Hero’s Journey. I’m not sugar-coating this. It’s not for the weak of heart. It can be very difficult. But I’ve gone ahead of you, clearing a path in the wilderness so your journey can be easier.

I’m standing here with the roadmap to show you the most efficient path so you are more likely to reach your destination, with fewer scars and injuries.

And you’ll experience a lot more joy along the way! Yep, we’ll be laughing, too.

The Old Paradigm
When we’ve been hurt, and we suppress or repress our vulnerable emotions, we get stuck. Frozen in time. We put on a mask, protecting our soft under-belly from being hurt. Turtles have shells for a reason. We hide our innermost selves when we don’t feel safe.

Maybe we feel safe in our turtle shell, but we can’t truly flourish.

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are made for. ~John Augustus Shedd (1859 – 1928)

We may try hard to be successful in ways defined by the world. But our relationship with our Authentic Self, with our body, with God, and with others becomes compromised. This separation creates dis-ease and unrest on many levels.

When we’re feeling upbeat, positive and happy, everything’s great. But inevitably the pendulum will swing, and we’ll feel bad again. Suffering will capture us in his grip, like a dragon flying away with his prey.

We’ve been taught that we should be positive. There’s something wrong with us if we’re feeling negative.

The notion that some emotions are good and some are bad is a form of conditional love for ourselves. It keeps us stuck in a vicious cycle. The pendulum swings from good to bad and back again, over and over. We don’t feel a solid sense of our wholeness when we live in this swinging paradigm.

When we pray for healing and it doesn’t happen, it might be because we’re caught in this old paradigm.

The New Paradigm
Contrary to popular opinion, fear, anger, or anguish are not the problem. Emotions are not our enemies and we do not have to get rid of them or release them.

We need to accept difficult emotions as part of our human experience and learn how to stay fully present in our bodies, and connected spiritually. This is easier said than done. I know.

The ability to stay present in ourselves, and love ourselves … no matter what … in joy and sorrow … this is the key that unlocks the door. Then we’ll be able to love others in more purity. And we’ll be able to receive love.

As we open up more and more, we can feel the immense love of God that has always been there for us but we just couldn’t feel it. Then we can cultivate deep emotional intimacy that is truly satisfying.

Don’t implode into depression or explode in anger. Just stay present and feel and breathe.

For those of us beginning the Hero’s Journey, we need an expert guide by our side, because if we don’t have this kind of support, we probably won’t be able to stay fully present in the midst of intense emotion and doubt.

Luke Skywalker had Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda and R2D2.

Dorothy in the wizard of Oz had Glenda.

You should have wise guidance, too.

As we develop the ability to stay fully present, we’re able to sense our true identity. Our spirit … our Authentic Self … the one who is whole … who always has been whole … in communion with God’s immense love, wisdom and power … whether we’re feeling happy or sad … whether people adore us or hate us.

We can learn to remain stable in the eye of the storm.

Spiritual and emotional intimacy is the ultimate fulfillment for a highly sensitive introvert. It opens the door to pure service.

The Hero’s Journey is always evolving to the next level of mastery. One door opens to another and another. There’s always more wisdom to experience as our vision becomes clearer.

Photo by Benita A Esposito

The more healing we do, the more we are able to experience sweet intimacy with God and others.

The clouds evaporate and the sun naturally shines.

Health and vitality flow. Relationships flourish. Self-esteem rises.

On Your Hero’s Journey to the Authentic Self, you’ll …

• Clarify your core values and develop skills to craft the most meaningful life possible for you.
• Explore the limiting beliefs that have been holding you back.
• Learn why thinking positively doesn’t transform entrenched coping patterns.
• Examine childhood core decisions that have unconsciously thwarted your success.
• Transform difficult emotional experiences that have shaped your life.
• Increase the courage to show up as your Authentic Self, and share your most precious gifts.

Topics include, but are not limited to the following:

• Increase self-confidence, self-esteem, self-love.
• Create healthy relationships.
• Improve communication skills
• Be assertive, instead of non-assertive or aggressive.
• Deepen your emotional healing.
• Decrease emotional reactivity.
• Enjoy sweeter spiritual intimacy.
• Heal family of origin wounds.
• Achieve work-life balance.
• Improve self-care and overall health.

Photo by Benita A Esposito

Conclusion: Why take the journey to the Authentic Self?

You will learn how to remain calm in the peaceful eye of the hurricane while the winds whip all around you. Instead of shrinking back from your fears, you will find your way through the storm, and flourish in the freedom of pure love. When you develop the ability to feel your emotions while staying grounded in your body, you’ll experience an incredible freedom and peace, even in the midst of chaos. You’ll create less chaos in your life. You’ll connect with your Authentic Self and God. You’ll feel so much more whole.

Ready to get started on your Hero’s Journey to the Authentic Self?

Contact me for a complementary 10-minute phone interview.

Click here for credentials: Benita A. Esposito

Your Authentic Life. Anything Else is a Compromise.